Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
