I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
