just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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