Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
