Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
