He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
