I can tuck mytits in my pants
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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