WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
