update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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