I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
