It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
