My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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