Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
