I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
