Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
