He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Floor bacon is actually really good
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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