Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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