Apparently you make a good broom.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
