I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
