I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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