Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
