either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
How's work?
Spinning.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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