she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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