Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
