she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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