He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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