...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
