I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
