I intend to get homeless drunk
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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