Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
