is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
