3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
