You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
