People with herpes should wear stickers.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
COCAINE IS GR8
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