Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
