My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
