I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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