my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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