Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
