3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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