Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
did i walk over a car last night?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
