We're facebook friends in real life
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
