I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
