Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
