Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
