Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
