Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
