New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
