I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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