All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
