ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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