The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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